


The Reason Why

by Z_OTAKU19



Category: Once Upon a Time RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-03
Updated: 2020-05-03
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:40:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,773
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23978347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Z_OTAKU19/pseuds/Z_OTAKU19
Summary: They hadn't spoken to each other ever since Jen left three years ago. But it's the uear 2020 and the world might end, so one birthday greeting won't hurt right?
Relationships: Jennifer Morrison/Lana Parrilla
Comments: 1
Kudos: 41





	The Reason Why

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I completely respect and support Jen's relationship and I don't own any of these people. This is just another work of fiction.
> 
> A morrila fic? In 2020? Wow I'm trash. Anyways, this fic is inspired by the lovely Kierra @onlyswen and her morrilla au twitter thread. I asked if I could turn it into an Ao3 fic and here we are. So major story elements and plot points came from that thread, and y'all should check it out. I really just changed timestamps to make things easier for myself. I'll add the other chapters as soon as possible, college exams never makes it easy. Also I apologize for any writing mistakes; I do my best but sometimes things slip past. Enjoy!

_ What a wonderful day. What a wonderful day indeed,  _ Lana thought. And it had been. It had been a pleasant day; she had a good walk with Lola that morning, talked with her family that afternoon, and ate a great dinner with Trish that evening. And now here she was comfortably in bed, having just gotten out of a long relaxing bath, scrolling on social media waiting for her hair to dry. It was objectively a great, unproblematic day. Yet as she laid in bed, Lana couldn’t help but toss and turn, bothered with a feeling that her day was incomplete, that there was some important task that she hadn’t done. 

_ You know what you want to do,  _ her mind taunted her. She brushed those thoughts aside, the way she has done for the past three years. Though looking at social media didn’t help much, as her feed was saturated with posts about the one woman she was trying and failing to not think about. 

“It  _ is _ her birthday today,” Lana sighed, putting down her phone. Staring at the ceiling, she closed her eyes, letting the memories overtake her. 

Lana knew there was a point when things changed between them. New people came, and new ships followed. Shipping wars were rampant, and social media became more suffocating, as it was very apparent that anything they did together would be blasted by their fans. Social media interactions quickly stopped soon after. There were a few posts here and there, more for promotional purposes than anything else, but nothing like before. Eventually, they stopped talking in person too.

These were the conditions in which Lana was debating wishing Jennifer Morrison a happy birthday.

Ever since the season six finale, communication between the two ground to a halt. Even when they reunited for the season seven finale, Jen spent most of her time with Colin and Jared, leaving shortly after filming was done. It was all professional with her, and Lana couldn’t recall talking with her that day outside of filming. 

But then again, why would she? When Jen told Lana that she was leaving, Lana stopped talking to her. In retrospect, it was petty and childish, but it was too late to be remorseful. Jen caught on and stopped reaching out too. She doesn’t say happy birthday to Jen, and Jen doesn’t say happy birthday to her. They just drifted apart. That’s all there was to it. They’ve moved on.

_ No you haven’t. _

There had always been this battle of sorts in her head whenever Jen came up. Her instincts would scream to call her, to tell her how she felt, to spill her guts to the woman, but her rationality would push back, listing all the reasons why that would be a terrible idea. Time and time again, reason would triumph. But gut instincts don’t go away easily, and her mental barrier had weakened over the years. The urge was getting stronger and tonight, Lana felt powerless to stop it.

Picking up her phone again, Lana affirmed, more to herself than to anyone else, “Now’s as good a time as any right? It’s not like I have anything to lose. It’s just a happy birthday message.”

Gaining more conviction, Lana opened her messages. She was feeling courageous, though not enough for a phone call. Hands shaking, she began to type.

The voices in her head were getting louder and more desperate, begging Lana to stop before it was too late. Reminding her of all the reasons why messaging Jennifer was a terrible,  _ terrible _ idea. Lana ignored the voices, focusing all her attention onto the task at hand.

If Lana had stopped to think about her situation, she would have questioned where all this confidence came from. And maybe it was because of the pandemic making her emotional, or the fact that it was Easter Sunday and the universe was guiding her, or just because it was  _ fucking Jennifer Morrison  _ that she was feeling this urge to reach out and talk to her once more. 

“It’s now or never. Here goes nothing.” And with that, she hit send.

**_> Happy Birthday!_ **

Her courage left as soon as it came. As soon as the message delivered, Lana collapsed onto the bed. It was a short, simple message. To anyone else, it would have taken a minimal amount of effort. But because it was Jen, just sending that message was enough to drain all of Lana’s energy and fill her mind with fear and dread. 

“Oh god, what have I done?” She closed her eyes and waited.

* * *

“This has really been such a wonderful day! Uh huh, uh huh. Alright, goodnight sis. Love you.” 

Jennifer ended the call and put her phone to the side. Looking up, she couldn’t help but beam at the array of gifts around her. They first started coming a couple of days ago, but it got to the point where she had to put them all in her study simply because there were so many of them. Gifts from family, friends, and fans covered every corner of the room. The sheer magnitude of gifts had overwhelmed her, and she hadn’t been able to go through many of them.

Stifling back a yawn, she glanced at the time. Only 11:02. Her boyfriend had already gone up to bed an hour ago. Not that Jen minded. He had gotten up very early that morning to cook and set up a surprise all for her. It was an incredibly sweet gesture, and Jen could tell he had put a lot of effort into making her birthday great. He was always outspoken about his feelings, and the genuine care he displayed for her was the main reason why she loved him so much.

Turning her attention back to the gifts, Jen decided she’d spend the rest of the night going through her presents and reading all the well wishes. She had started going through a photo album compiled by her fans when her phone chimed from across the room. Jennifer huffed in annoyance. She had muted text notifications hadn’t she? Why was it chiming now?

Then she remembered that she had set her phone settings to mute all incoming text messages from everyone except  _ her _ .

Practically running to her phone, Jen’s heart was pounding like a drum. Her breath hitched when she saw the name “Lana <3” on her screen. 

“No, I’m dreaming. It can’t be real. This can’t be real...can it? Is it-is it really her?” It was too good to be true. Though Jen had conceded that today was a wonderful day, it couldn’t be that wonderful. Right? 

No. Jen was shaking her head in disbelief. This was too surreal. It was such a simple act that wouldn’t have warranted any reaction had it been from anyone else. But because it came from her, that simple gesture completely rocked her world.

But no matter how many times she pinched herself trying to wake up, Jennifer couldn’t deny the reality. For some inexplicable reason, Lana Parrilla had texted her. 

Jen read the message. She read it again and again, thoroughly shell shocked that Lana had actually sent her a happy birthday message. The same Lana who had cut all communication with her years ago. Who Jen had thought would never speak to her again.

But Lana reached out. And that meant something, even though Jen was completely confused as to why she did.

“I-I guess I message her back? Shit what do I even say?” There was no procedure, and Jennifer was anything but calm. She knew she had to say  _ something— _ her phone had already marked the message as read—but she had no idea where to start. It was cruelly ironic. So many times had Jen imagined a conversation between them, thinking about all the questions and pent up emotions she wanted to scream at the other woman and just ask “ _ Why?! _ ” Yet when the opportunity to talk arose, she was at a complete loss for words. 

Eventually, Jen settled on a simple response. Nothing meaningful, nothing close to what she wanted to say. But it was something, and that would have to do for now.

**_Thanks, I guess? <_ **

* * *

Lana jolted upright the moment her phone let out a buzz. “Could it really be her? Oh my god it is!” 

  
Admittedly, she hadn’t thought she would actually get a response, especially so soon. Clearly, Jen subverted her expectations yet again. Like a child on Christmas morning, Lana giddedly opened the message. Her glee changed to annoyance as she read the message.

“You guess? You guess what? What does that even mean?!” Lana cried out in aggravation. “Why do you have to be so damn cryptic all the time?!”

After her initial outburst, Lana quickly calmed down. Jen had responded. That meant that she could text her back. Her message didn’t have to be anything deep or hard-hitting, it just had to be _something_. Taking deep breaths, she steadied herself. With shaky hands, she replied:

**_> You’re welcome :)_ **

_ Yeah…  _ **_<_ **

**_> I hope you are having a great time!_ **

_ Well, I’m stuck at home though...But I’ll see what I can do to have a great time!  _ **_<_ **

**_> Oh but knowing you, I bet you enjoy staying at home so you can read all the books you want XD_ **

Jen’s face scrunched up in confusion. “What is this small talk?” she questioned. “Lana doesn’t do small talk—at least, not the Lana I remember.” It was true. Unlike Jen, Lana was always outspoken and forward, not hesitant to speak her mind and express herself thoroughly. Her blatant genuinity both impressed and scared Jen all at once. 

“You sure know me,” Jen mutterted, deciding it was best to continue this line of small talk. Whatever the reason for this sudden banter, it was far better than talking about deep stuff, like their feelings. 

_ Yeah you’re right, but I’d still like to go outside more...But I know we can’t so I guess I’m stuck with my books.  _ **_<_ **

**_> Yup you shouldn’t go out Jen XD Just stay there and have fun with your books_ **

_ Yeah yeah, I’ll do that. Thanks!  _ **_<_ **

**_> You’re welcome again :)_ **

And then silence. Both women were facing a dilemma, both wanting to keep talking but neither knowing what to say. Both waited for the other to make a move to continue, a sign that the other woman wanted to keep talking. But silence persisted, suffocating the two in an oppressive atmosphere of uncertainty and tension.

Jen was the first to crack. “Fuck it, it’s my birthday. Now or never, right Morrison?” Talking herself up, she began typing.

_ Yeah so um, how are you?  _ **_<_ **

**_> Oh...I’m fine. Also stuck at home, but I’m quite alright. You?_ **

_ I’m fine too  _ **_<_ **

**_> That’s great_ **

_ Yeah  _ **_<_ **

**_> Right_ **

Again they were at another standstill. But Jen refused to let the conversation end. Not when Lana Parrilla was messaging her; it couldn’t end yet. Not when Jen still had so much to ask. Taking a gamble, she decided to address the elephant in the room. 

_ Lana  _ **_<_ **

**_> Yes Jen?_ **

_ Can I ask you something?  _ **_<_ **

Lana’s eyes bulged at the question. “Is-is she really right now? Wh-where is she going with this?” she stammered, “N-no, she wouldn’t...would she?” Lana was grateful this was a text conversation; grateful that Jen couldn’t see her flustered face. 

**_> Depends. Can I answer that?_ **

_ Well, you can if you want? I mean, it’s nothing really serious so…  _ **_<_ **

**_> Ok Jen, ask away_ **

_ Well, I’m just wondering about your sudden greeting. I mean I appreciate it, but, you know...it’s just...  _ **_<_ **

_ I’d thought you’d never speak to me again…  _ **_<_ **

_ Oh my god, you’re not dying right?!  _ **_<_ **

_ Sorry, that was a bad joke…  _ **_<_ **

“Oh Jen…” Lana was at a loss. Bad joke aside, Jen had just asked her the question Lana had no real answer for, mostly because she herself didn’t know. All throughout the conversation, Lana was so overwhelmed with happiness to be talking to the other woman again that she didn’t stop to think about any of it. Instincts had brought her here, and now that her mind had taken the reins again, Lana had nothing to articulate.  Knowing that she had to answer Jen soon, Lana decided to play it safe. 

**_> No Jen, I am not dying._ **

**_> I was just…_ **

**_> I guess that after everything that is happening now with the world and all, I thought maybe it’s time tie up loose ends before it’s too late_ **

**_> And besides, it’s Easter Sunday. It’s a great time to move on, you know?_ **

It was a half-answer; it was safe and cowardly, and Lana knew it. Lana knew that there was more to it than just the circumstances, that there was something deep down inside her that made her yearn to message her year after year and talk to her, that same something that made her heart flutter when hearing her voice and seeing her smile. But Lana would go to her deathbed before telling Jen that, so she could only hope that Jen bought her response.

Meanwhile, Jen’s heart had fallen to her stomach. “So you’ve moved on,” her voice trailed off sadly. Wait, why was she feeling so sad? Lana moving on was a good thing. Yet Jen couldn’t help but feel the pangs of betrayal that Lana had moved on from the past, from the time on the show, from her. 

_ Wow. I didn’t know you became such a spiritual person  _ **_<_ **

**_>_** **_There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me ;)_**

_ Yeah, you’re right. I really just thought...  _ **_<_ **

**_> You thought what?_ **

_ Nothing! No nevermind that I didn’t mean that  _ **_<_ **

**_> No! Tell me! _ **

“Shit shit shit!” On impulse Jen threw the phone across the room and began hyperventilating. “Why did I send that?! God I’m such an idiot!” Taking shaky breaths, she hugged herself tightly trying to calm down.

Truth be told, Jen didn’t know why she sent something so leading. All she knew was that Lana’s message had made her so inexplicably and irrationally upset. And now she had potentially unlocked a door she had long sealed shut, a door holding back dangerous feelings of friendship and maybe something more.

No.

No no no. No feelings of something more. Not now. Not when she’s finally in love with someone else. No no no no no.

After the three minutes of panic and self-lamentation she allowed herself had passed, she got up and grabbed her phone. No doubt Lana had been waiting on a message dying to know what that message meant. But there was no way in hell Jen was going to tell her. Replying was a mistake. Texting with her feelings was a mistake. Bringing up these dangerous feelings that had been long buried was a mistake. All of it was a mistake. As wonderful as talking to Lana felt, it was all wrong. It had to stop.

**_> Jen? You still there?_ **

_ Yeah, what’s up? _ **_ <_ **

**_> Tell me Jen_ **

_ Tell you what?  _ **_<_ **

“Argh!” Lana threw her arms up in frustration, baffled that Jennifer was being so willfully obtuse. Whether she meant to or not, she had cast the line and Lana had taken the bait, and now Jen was refusing to reel her in. Not letting up, she persisted,

**_> The thing you thought!_ **

_ I told you it was nothing  _ **_<_ **

**_> Really? If it’s nothing then why did you send that?_ **

_ I just did okay??? So just drop it  _ **_<_ **

Lana was displeased, but she knew that Jen’s outburst was probably one of her fine-tuned defense mechanisms. It often protected her from becoming too emotionally vulnerable and having a breakdown. If it was coming up now, that meant that whatever Jen had wanted to tell her was very serious, and it was better to back off. Though she desperately wanted to know what Jen was alluding to, Lana didn’t want to push her more. Admittedly, she wasn’t so sure she would be able to handle it in her current mental state either.

**_> ...Okay._ **

_ Oh...ok then. Um, are you mad?  _ **_<_ **

**_> Not at all_ **

_ So...we’re okay right? Are we like friends again?  _ **_<_ **

**_> I don’t know. Do you want to?_ **

_ Well I don’t really know tbh  _ **_<_ **

**_> Alright then._ **

**_> Goodnight Jen_ **

_ Goodnight Lana  _ **_<_ **

And with that Jen turned off her phone, preventing her from reading or sending any other incriminating messages. She got little sleep that night, her mind flooded with thoughts about Lana.

Lana stayed up afterwards, re-reading the conversation over and over, analyzing every word sent. Finally, she got up. “I need a drink,” she declared, and headed down to her fridge, phone in hand. She needed to make a call.


End file.
